Happy Groundhog Day!

I can't believe it's February already. I believe I mentioned that yesterday. I still can't believe it.

I did okay yesterday...sort of. I went over my MyFitnessPal calories significantly, but I was still at 2167--or so--for the day, which I see as not horrible, considering. Today, however, I did not do very well. I didn't count, and I ate too much chocolate. And I don't feel that great (I think it's a cold), so I didn't want to cook, so we ordered pizza and wings (and chocolate dippers from Pizza Hut, which are evil), and now I feel bad about that, and I didn't go swimming tonight because I feel like I have a bit of a cold and the last time I went swimming when I didn't feel good, I got the stomach flu, and I don't want anything like that to happen again, and I have the Pizza Hut crapola for leftovers, that will have to be eaten, plus a bunch of other pasta-y leftovers...and this very long sentence is basically to say, today was bad. And it will have consequences that reach beyond today.

And..I'm not blaming him--really, I'm not--because I believe that you can't be sabotaged unless you allow it, but I think my husband is a bit of a saboteur. But I FIRMLY believe that what I put into my mouth is my responsibility and no one else's, so it shouldn't matter. Still, his willingness to help me misbehave makes me wonder why he seems to be willing to do that. What part of me throwing all this weight loss out the window makes him feel more comfortable than me losing? That's what I wonder. He might say that I get mad at him if he suggests I don't eat something bad, and he might have a point. But still, sometimes I think he's sabotaging me. My friends have even commented on it. So I guess I just need to be aware of it.

Perhaps, considering my beliefs on responsibility, I should word the above as, why have I been allowing myself to be sabotaged? What am I getting out of it?